Being overly supported

A risk of information overload without space.

I spent a lot of the first half of this year being deeply supported.

In different ways, I still am (freebies, other resources, connections, therapy), but the intensity of being held through offers was oooof. And the deepness!? Don’t get me started.

I love learning. Gathering information. Connecting all the dots. Having breakthroughs. Moving like wildfire. Going deep for literal sport. Taking leaps for a dream, a goal, or whatever I have planned…

So when being held by others, I’m instantly drawn to those who check off most of these things, if not all.

As a passionate person, you can’t expect anything less from me, tbh.

In true passion fashion (did you giggle too!?) I was drawn to support that checked off everything and dove right the fuck in.

I’m super lucky to be able to say that. I couldn’t have asked for better opportunities, but in the latter months I began noticing I was thrown off kilter.

Holding on longer than was needed. Getting muddled with so much information. Questioning what I was doing.

I mean, I was being deeply held by peers, mentors, energetic goddesses, and strategists that I’m so in love with, but the following questions wouldn’t go away:

When is outsourcing support just too much information to hold?

Have I given myself enough time to integrate what I’ve gone through?

How much expansion can happen if I’m not fully diving into “the work” on my own!?

What may I be running away from, if there’s just “one more thing” to learn?

You can say the answers to these questions are self-discerning, but it’s so much more nuanced than that. We’re so much more nuanced than that.

And yet I can certainly say:

If you find yourself grasping for the next thing or diving in and out of support because of FOMO, you may not have built enough space to fully understand the following.

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Your own voice and rhythm

It doesn’t mean you don’t know either. It doesn’t mean they’re lost or unfound.

What I mean is, you can be taking on someone else’s advice and way of being as your own.

Let me be clear about this. No matter who you are or level of confidence you have, we can all do this.

Spend enough time with someone and you’ll realize that what you say, think, and even express becomes similar. And yeah, there are overlapping values and life lenses making this inevitable. And yeah, there’s assimilation as humans because of belonging. And yeah, the relationship might just be fully accepting of your full self.

But but but…

When are you being engulfed by what’s outside of you?

When are you not connecting to your internal world?

And…

How have you changed because of the support? Which brings me to the next point.

How it is when you’ve transformed

By it, I mean your life post-support.

No matter if you were being held by 3 days, 6 weeks, 6 months, a whole year, whatevs. Post-support requires your full discernment to come online. It requires a period of integration.

The tricky part: No one can teach you what that’s like, except living in the day to day.

Fully living it is making choices and moves without falling back on the support you just came out of. It’s also about reaching for the tools you’ve just gained and moving from more certainty than you had at the start.

That’s really the hope.

If support doesn’t leave you feeling any of this, maybe there’s an internal gap about…

What you need support with

I’m going back to the grasping thing.

We grasp for external stimuli when something internally is missing. A gap is looking to be filled — filled on your own or with others

To make it clearer for what you need, ask yourself the following two questions:

What on your plate can you fulfill on your own?

Where do you need someone externally to swoop in to strengthen you (even if it’s just a self-paced resource) or simply take over?

There’s nothing wrong with outsourcing, but the reasons behind it are everything.

The way your expansion continues

You’re naturally expanded by anything you learn.

Expanded through:

Your thoughts.

Self-awareness.

Actions you take.

Your worldview.

Experiences you call in.

Interactions you have.

But your expansion doesn’t fully eradicate past versions of you.

So self-sabotaging habits or silly little negative thoughts can come up again. Or another example.

Imagine you bought shoes, and before they could fit like a glove, you’ll need time to adjust to the material. Instead of giving yourself that time, you expect it to feel perfect just after one wear. It’s impossible. It needs time. It needs your feet walking in them long enough until that moment happens.

That’s how expansion works. You get shown a new level of self, and may workshop it when you’re being held, but the real learning happens in the post-work.

In the choices you make. In the boundaries you hold. In the experiences you include yourself in.

In moments when old thoughts come up and you can tell them, “I know you’re trying to protect me, but we don’t need that protection anymore. I get to make different choices and it's okay.”

WRAPPING UP MY THOUGHTS

There’s no perfect measure of how much support you “should” invest in.

I believe there’s a lot of value for your leadership that comes from it.

A bonus: A deep understanding of what it’s like to be in the client seat. Empathizing more with them through the offers you give, because you know what it’s like to be on the other side.

But when being on the other side becomes overwhelming, take it as an indicator to reassess. Reassess your investments and decide what you actually need in the season. Think about what’s going to add to what you’re consuming and what alleviates you enough for the necessary moves.

Have you found yourself overly supported and overwhelmed by it? Not because it was bad, but because it added information overload with not enough time for integration.

Would love to hear from you in the comments ❥

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