The over-identification entanglement
For ourselves in our business.
It’s taken me about six-ish years to understand it. For it to integrate. For me to feel it in my body and come to terms with ooooooh this is why it’s true. I didn’t believe it before. I sure as hell thought there was no separation between the two, even when I heard tons of people say it, but when you’re not ready for the truth you’re just not ready.
After listening to a podcast episode last month, something clicked. I had already been moving like this, but as I was cleaning my little heart away the day I was listening to it, the host’s words rearranged a truth I’ve been denying for years. Where I spent time just a little bit curious and took that curiosity back when a peer repeated it, because how the fuck could that be!? And again, I sure as hell thought there was no separation between the two. But the message finally landed through the episode I was listening to. It was the final piece that I needed to understand.
Before I share what it is, I want to be very clear about who this message’s for. It’s for a past version of myself as much as it’s for you. For the fellow creative who lives and breathes their purpose. Who’s trailblazing their path with every ounce of their soul. Who’s doing what they love to make their world go round. Who’s building what they can every step of the way and yet has to come to the realization: You are not your business.
Gasp! I know.
I have no idea how many times I’ve heard this. I simply couldn’t wrap my head around it either. What do you mean I’m not my business!? I would think and passionately proclaim honestly, I can’t see how that’s possible because so much of me is in what I’m building. And yeah that’s true, but if you were to look at any relationship you’re in, romantic or platonic, are you the relationship or just part of it with the other person? The reality is you cannot be the relationship, nor can the other person, but you do contribute to its existence and essence.
That’s the same thing in business, bb.
When the truth finally hits, it’s not an easy pill to swallow. When you’re so emotionally tied to what you do, share, and create. When you want those very things to support the lifestyle you want to live, the money you want to make, and the people you want to work with. When you know you were put on this earth to birth the business you have. All of this can feel damn near impossible, not to tie your worth to every crook and cranny of its existence.
But here’s the thing that I’ve learned through energetics, strategies, marketing, peer conversations, tools like Human Design + Astrology + Tarot, and general experiences. When you over-identify with your business, you can grow, but it won’t end up feeling fulfilling. You might even feel chronically burnt out, and it doesn’t matter if you’re successful in what you’re building or not, because something will always feel like it’s missing.
To untangle the over-identification, a different perspective needs to take form. A perspective that’ll eventually let you see your business for what it is, a container for your creativity and for how you help your people. Each system, each workflow, each pillar, each framework, each strategy, and every other area that supports you (the creative leader) is what holds it all together.
When those things are set and flowing, everything then stops feeling like your worth is consistently on trial. Each part of it starts feeling less about you so you can be more you in it — which is what we want anyway.
Being able to understand how separate, but together you are (once again: You are not your business) makes everything less complicated. And the less complicated it gets, the easier it is to grow in a way that feels good in the long run.
Need support with untangling how you function in and towards your business? Anchor Session is the place where we can do this. It’s my 75-minute intimate strategy call, focusing on what’s currently going on (in life and business) to identify the areas you’ll focus on to reach it.
You can snag a spot right here.
I’m Ylani Estwick, a fellow visionary who supports creatives step into their leadership and voice. In my world, we understand what’s underneath the strategy before creating it, because your experience is what informs it best. If you find yourself subscribed to The Cornerstone, thank you so much for your support!
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